OKCupid Message

Now, I'm hesitant to post verbatim messages from OKCupid on here. It feels a little icky, and I would hate to stumble upon a blog calling me unintelligent or uncreative. So I will let the message I received today speak for itself.

Hey there, i'm bob. You can't really figure much with my profile, but if you're at all interested, Id ask you to give someone a chance to know them. To judge for yourself the kind of person who's on the other side writing to you. You have so much power with that pretty face and knowledge of the fact that you never have to respond ever again to this douchebag who messages you through a dating website. But this could be the most serious Guy you meet, maybe he thinks the same thing of the girls who message him, maybe he's a sweetheart,maybe he's a killer. I don't know, just being creative and interesting, did I do a good job?? Btw love your name. Reminds me of a reaally hot video game character lol

And I wonder why I'm single...

Don't Tell Me That!

Yesterday, I dressed like a total hobo. It was Monday. I was tired, unshowered, a little cranky, and just generally hobo-ish. I wore leggings that I'd accidentally shrunk in the dryer so they didn't quite make it past my calves, and a boyfriend sweater. It was humid, my hair was frizzy, and I had an early doctor's appointment so I hadn't even washed my face and residual makeup from the day before was caked on my face.

Essentially, I looked like a hot mess.

Now, as a young woman in New York City, you're bound to get hit on on a semi-regular basis. I'd say conservatively once a week, no matter WHO you are or WHAT you looked like. Usually, it doesn't matter, and I'm good at either being dismissive or playing aloof and ignoring it all.

There are a few instances where getting hit on is rather unfortunate.

1) When you're walking in the same direction as someone and they just keep following you.

2) When they're super aggressive and then get angry when dismissed/ignored.

3) When they're standing right outside your doctor's office when you are cranky and look like a homeless person.

This guy (probably mid 30s) was standing right outside my office building. He started talking to me when I was a solid twenty feet away. "Hey gorgeous. You are so beautiful, look at her, isn't she so beautiful. How are you doing? How's this morning going?" I tried to play aloof but as I was walking RIGHT to where he was standing, it made things a little more complicated. He was standing with the office doorman (a guy I actually really like/have talked to). The doorman just looked kind of embarrassed. I did as well. As I walk into the building my admirer tried again, "You are so gorgeous, baby!" Seeing as I couldn't find a way to ignore this and I was late, I just said "Thanks." He replied with the classic, "No, thank YOU."

Finally, I escaped the lobby. I went up to my doctor's appointment feeling rejuvenated and much less cranky. When I got back downstairs my friend and the doorman were standing in the lobby, I said a quick goodbye (mainly to the doorman) and made my way toward the west side.

I hadn't gotten much more than a block when I hear this panting beside me. I turn to my right, and sure enough, there is my friend from before, sweaty and heaving next to me. "Hey, so, I waited for you to be done and then you left so quickly so I had to run down the block, but I wanted to give you this and see if I can buy you breakfast sometime." He handed me a folded note and I said "Oh." He turned the corner and said "Call me!" and I think I made some kind of awkward uncomfortable noise and scooted away.

Now, to be fair, there is no situation that I would call this guy. His odds of getting my number from the START were not very good. However, here is a couple pointers of how he could've done this better.

1) Don't tell me that you sat in a lobby and waited for me to be done with a doctor's appointment to. That is creepy and intense.

2) Don't sprint down the block to the point where you are out of breath and sweating. As any of my friends can attest, I am not a speed walker.

3) Don't tell me that you sprinted down the block to catch up with me.

4) Breakfast? Is that the ideal date? Even brunch would sound appealing.

If he had just left his number with the doorman, I would feel considerably less creeped out by this entire situation. So... sorry Leonardo. Not going to meet you for breakfast!

I only hope he's not there the next time I have to go to the doctor...

Get the picture Haikus!

I was talking to Miss Dorothea tonight about a boy who I went on a date with a couple weeks ago, who I was hoping to avoid the "I'm not interested in you" conversation with. However, when he kept texting, calling, emailing, and FACEBOOK chatting, I decided the right thing to do was to let him that I no longer felt a spark.

Miss Dorothea and I wrote some haikus in honor of this occasion:

I thought you were cute

emphasis on the past tense

please do not call me.

Hey. Sup? Where R U?
U there? How's it going? Hi!
I'M NOT INTO YOU

we talked maybe once

that does not mean we're in love

I'll change my screen name.

hard to get is fun
but no reply for a week
means leave me alone.

Date Tonight!

I am going on a date tonight and have not felt so excited/nervous about one in a long time! Going to a midnight showing of a movie, with a little tea time before.

Fingers crossed that this will be good, but I am spazzy excited.

Belated post-Valentine's musings

I have very mixed feelings about Valentine's Day.

There was a time -- back in my teenage years -- when I dreamed of getting a rose on Valentine's Day. Naturally the rose would be accompanied by a declaration of deep love. And of course this never happened. I didn't have a boyfriend and there weren't any bold secret admirers lurking in the background.

So. I admit that my opinions might be based in old disappointment. But now that I'm older, I am significantly less romantic. When boys start talking about love, I get uncomfortable. I just can't take Valentine's Day seriously.

Reason 1: We all know it was a day invented to sell cards and jewelry and chocolate.
Reason 2: I am a very private and stoic person, and the idea of spending a day being all mushy and lovey-dovey sets my teeth on edge.
Reason 3: I ate two boxes of Girl Scout cookies in 48 hours and dear God I don't need people giving me candy.

My past couple of Valentine's Days were easy. Last year, I was in a long-distance relationship and we just sent each other handmade cards. We were both poor underemployed college graduates, so no gifts required. The year before that, I had dated the boy for about two and a half weeks. We ate some cheap Chinese food and then went to a house party. No pressure and no gooeyness.

But this Valentine's Day, I was nine months into a relationship with someone new. I was nervous. Would he want to do something? Did I want to do something? Could I admit that I wanted to do something?

To my intense relief, he was the one to bring it up about three weeks before the day. I was quick to say "oh, I don't believe in that Valentine's stuff."

I expected him to agree, but his response was surprising. "I know that it's a Hallmark holiday, but I think it can be nice. Some women wouldn't get any romance at all if there wasn't a day set aside for it. No reason not to do it for one day out of the year."

(Um. Keeper?)

We decided on dinner at a nice restaurant we both wanted to try. I got excited to eat some tasty expensive food. Then, in the couple weeks leading up to it, he began mentioning getting me a gift.

"Oh, you don't need to get me something," I said. His answer: "I know I don't have to, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't."

And suddenly, to my surprise, I felt really happy. Maybe I did care about Valentine's after all?

A week later, the warm fuzzies turned into panic. What was I doing? Me, who prided myself on being such a feminist and rejecting traditional gender roles. He was getting me a gift. I needed to get him a gift!!!!!

I brooded. Chocolate? That seems so cliched and impersonal. Flowers? I didn't think boys were into that. Cuff links? I couldn't imagine him wearing such a thing. Nice beer? That's what a guy friend would get him for his birthday.

I brooded some more. I fretted. I looked everywhere. And then finally, on my lunch hour on Valentine's Day itself, I went to Borders and bought a hardback Star Wars graphic novel. Not romantic. Not sexy. Not hardly. But I knew he would enjoy it.

(Confession: I spent the entire day secretly hoping flowers would arrive with my name. No such luck. Of course that wouldn't happen -- he was far too poor to order from a florist in addition to going to dinner.)

Our reservation was at 6:30, so we both RAN home from work and shuffled into nice clothes at his place. (Another confession: still no flowers.) When I came downstairs, he was holding a gift wrapped in a plastic bag. (No, literally wrapped. Like you would wrap with wrapping paper.)

"I got you something too!" I said. He looked nervous.

"Oh, really?"

I nodded, feeling insecure. Then we headed out the door.

He wanted to open the gifts at dinner, while we waited for our food to come out. He handed me mine first. It was plastered with tape and I struggled to rip off the plastic bag. Finally I pulled back the wrapping and beheld the gift below.

It was a book. The cover featured a cartoon woman wearing flaming goggles. It read: "Graphic Women: Life Narrative and Contemporary Comics."

I stared down and considered this. No flowers. No chocolate. No jewelry. Instead, a serious academic gender theory book about female comics writers.

Not romantic at all. Except... that it was perhaps the perfect gift for a girl who refused to admit an interest in Valentine's Day, and insisted on paying for half the meal and buying her boyfriend a gift too. So maybe that did make it romantic. Because he knew me that well.

I looked up and smiled at him widely. And I told him it was awesome, because it was.

Next he opened my gift and started smiling as well. Then he realized it was comics and got even more excited. I'm sure the people at the table next to us thought we were complete weirdos.

And I think the moral is: if you are dating the right person, Valentine's Day will work itself out.

Cute Boys = Dumb Girls

I'm the first to admit that I have a weird dating history. For years, I spent most of my time telling boys to GO AWAY... but that wasn't my fault, not really.

I'm a creeper-magnet. I've been stalked, propositioned by old men, chased down dark alleyways, threatened with suicide if I didn't date guys... It took me a long time to realize that males might useful for something other than friendship.

...Unfortunately, I didn't figure that out until after college, when it becomes exceedingly difficult to make new friends, let alone boyfriends. So, like many others, I turned to the internet.

I've had two six-month-ish relationships come out of OkCupid, and a lot of weird dates (more on those some other time), but overall, I've determined that most guys bore me, and I approach dates with apathy. As a result, my lack of expectation makes me somehow charming and appealing, and while the guy finds himself fast falling, I find myself wondering if I can go yet.

For some reason, tonight was different. I was excited! Nervous, even! Looking forward to my date!

And it made me dumb. Not dumb stupid, dumb quiet. Dumb awkward. And maybe also a little stupid.

I wasn't my normal, charming self. I couldn't think of clever, appealing things to say, and I think that because I was so quiet and awkward, he didn't know what to do, so he was quiet and awkward.

He walked me to my car, and said that he didn't know what to think. "Maybe you were nervous?" he asked.

"No... I, um, nooo?"

"Well, okay. Um."

On the drive home, I texted him at a stoplight. "No, you're right. I was nervous. But in my defense, you're really cute."

Maybe he'll give me a second chance to charm him. Normally, that's my job.

OkCupid Pet Peeve #1: This isn't 1999 anymore...

Inspired by the wonderful Tumblr OhHelloThereYou, I decided to focus on some of my personal pet peeves on OkCupid, now that I'm back on the site, shifting through the women on it.

These posts will cross-post with my own personal Tumblr (link provided).

On-line dating pet peeve #1: Adhering to a pre-2000 rule that “online dating is for shut-ins, nerds, and for the painfully socially awkward.”

Here’s what this tells me: You already are embarrassed to be on OkCupid in the first place… what a wonderful precedent you’re setting right off the bat.